I opened my picture file today
And chanced upon your photographs,
The ones with your smile that was so hard to come by;
I had kept so many of them, I didn’t realize.
I clicked on your folder, pressed delete,
Went to the recycle bin and emptied it.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
How and why I stopped being a serial dater
Excerpt from David Nugent's column in the Philippine Daily Inquirer:
The biggest mistake? Getting into a relationship just for the heck of it. Or to escape a family situation, or a family, or yourself. To escape for any reason.
A relationship isn’t an escape. Never get into it unless it’s for the most basic reason—because you love and respect that person.
And never expect that love and respect go hand in hand. Sometimes, they don’t. I’ve loved people I didn’t respect all that much, and I’ve respected some I wasn’t in love with.
I learned that one has to do more than adore the person you’re with. You must admire him or her as well. I think it’s important to keep in mind that neither love nor respect should be given too easily. Proving love and earning respect take time and patience.
Another big mistake I had was using my partner as panacea for not having dealt with personal issues I should have resolved before getting into any relationship. In the Philippines, we spend a huge amount of time not dealing with our issues, whether they involve parents, siblings or ourselves.
Here’s a suggestion: Before you fall in love—even before you think you’ve fallen—take a breather and call a shrink. We’re a people who should have a national therapy conversation. The most important relationship you should ensure is with yourself first. Unless you fix what is inside, no other person, no matter how wonderful he or she may be, will be able to do it for you.
The biggest mistake? Getting into a relationship just for the heck of it. Or to escape a family situation, or a family, or yourself. To escape for any reason.
A relationship isn’t an escape. Never get into it unless it’s for the most basic reason—because you love and respect that person.
And never expect that love and respect go hand in hand. Sometimes, they don’t. I’ve loved people I didn’t respect all that much, and I’ve respected some I wasn’t in love with.
I learned that one has to do more than adore the person you’re with. You must admire him or her as well. I think it’s important to keep in mind that neither love nor respect should be given too easily. Proving love and earning respect take time and patience.
Another big mistake I had was using my partner as panacea for not having dealt with personal issues I should have resolved before getting into any relationship. In the Philippines, we spend a huge amount of time not dealing with our issues, whether they involve parents, siblings or ourselves.
Here’s a suggestion: Before you fall in love—even before you think you’ve fallen—take a breather and call a shrink. We’re a people who should have a national therapy conversation. The most important relationship you should ensure is with yourself first. Unless you fix what is inside, no other person, no matter how wonderful he or she may be, will be able to do it for you.
Falling and Getting Up
This spoke to me when I read Francis Kong's article in the Philippine Star yesterday:
We get a great opportunity to do something worthwhile and blow it by doing or saying something stupid. Or when faced with temptation, we know how to resist the enemy because we know all the right Bible verses to defend for ourselves. However, instead of putting on the “whole armor of God,” we seek to overcome in our own strength—and fail miserably.
However, when we do fail, the important thing is to get up, learn from our mistakes, and go on having learned to put our trust in God in every situation in which we find ourselves.
Many have resolved and broken their resolutions. Thousands have started and have fallen out by the way. But not many people have really gotten anywhere who did not set a goal for themselves and make a start toward that destination. Not many have done anything worth while without a determination to do. Says C. L. Paddock
Don’t give up. Trust in God, learn the lessons and move forward.
More here.
We get a great opportunity to do something worthwhile and blow it by doing or saying something stupid. Or when faced with temptation, we know how to resist the enemy because we know all the right Bible verses to defend for ourselves. However, instead of putting on the “whole armor of God,” we seek to overcome in our own strength—and fail miserably.
However, when we do fail, the important thing is to get up, learn from our mistakes, and go on having learned to put our trust in God in every situation in which we find ourselves.
Many have resolved and broken their resolutions. Thousands have started and have fallen out by the way. But not many people have really gotten anywhere who did not set a goal for themselves and make a start toward that destination. Not many have done anything worth while without a determination to do. Says C. L. Paddock
Don’t give up. Trust in God, learn the lessons and move forward.
More here.
Friday, March 20, 2009
The End
Another chapter in my life is about to end. After nine months, I will soon plunge into the real corporate world. The past nine months has been more like going into Telco University but soon, I will go to real telco work--lesser handholding, I suppose, more accountabilities, and no room for mistakes (not that I was allowed to commit any as a management trainee). This is it!
When the seemingly final decision on my assignment sank in, my first reaction was fear—fear of the boss and fear of the job. How is the boss? Will I be able to do my job well? I had to catch and remind myself that there is nothing to fear. In my many years working and even studying, I have learned the secret to doing a job well:
1 Corinthians 10:31 (New International Version)
31So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
For some time in my former life, I used to work so hard because I was afraid of my boss, afraid of what she would say if I bungle the work. I think it would be appropriate to say that I worked hard to please her, a boss who left me scarred as a worker. I never really realized how badly her criticisms had affected me until I noticed that all my reflection papers in HBO about “How Not to Behave as a Boss” were about her. She said some things that I now just choose not to remember. Most of the things in the office were about her--what she wanted done, how she wanted things done, or how she would react if she saw our work. Even her one-downs and the rest of the staff would consult one another on the way she wanted things done so as not to get a reprimand or a flying stack of paper or a crumpled document that should have been for her approval.
When I started my walk with God and learned about the verse above, I had to teach myself to stop pleasing people. I have learned that I have only One True Boss and that is God, and if I base my standards on His, I would never go wrong. Every time I do something, at work or in school, I ask myself, “Would this please God?” Every time I feel like saying “pwede na yan,” I ask myself, “but, would it please God?” Ever since I have adopted this mentality, I have had very rewarding results.
I can say that I give my best whenever I do something not because I want the recognition but because it is the right thing to do (do I hear workaholic and perfectionist?). After all, if God is my boss and if He has equipped me to a job well, wouldn’t I do just that? I think this has somehow affected my reaction when people praise my work or compliment or thank me for a good job. While the boss is there all praises for my work, I would be thinking, “Why is she thanking me?” or “What’s so good with my work?” “Isn’t that what I am supposed to do—to do good work?” I mean, don’t compliment me because that’s what I am supposed to do anyway, right? I have heard these things several times during my training program and I have since learned to appreciate the compliments for just as God wants us to glorify Him through our works, He is also “not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name” (Heb 6:10 NKJV)…There were also times when I thought I just turned in ordinary work in spite of how badly I had wanted to do it better, but to my surprise, I still ended up receiving good feedback about it. It is amazing how God can still reward us even when we think we don’t deserve it. His standards are really different from ours. He has been making me grow from glory to glory even when I think I don’t deserve it.
God wants us to do everything for His glory. But unlike some bosses who expect the best from their subordinates without giving them any guidance at all, God actually equips us to do just that—give Him glory. He gives us the strength because He is the most powerful and wealthiest King we can ever know.
Philippians 4:13,19 (New International Version)
13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
19And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
While meeting with the HR person this morning, I was reminded that there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18 (New International Version)
So, why fear? Am I being punished? I believe otherwise. Because just as God has been surprising me at work and even in my studies before at AIM, I know that there is something waiting for me in this new assignment. And with the perfect love He has for me, this fear will go away. I know that He will cover me in the same way that He has always covered me just when I start to fear and doubt.
A picture just crossed my mind: Jesus and I are sitting on top of a table in an open grass field, we’re swinging our legs, and He’s telling me that He has prepared something good for me. I say, we should find some isaw or fishballs and Coke.
When the seemingly final decision on my assignment sank in, my first reaction was fear—fear of the boss and fear of the job. How is the boss? Will I be able to do my job well? I had to catch and remind myself that there is nothing to fear. In my many years working and even studying, I have learned the secret to doing a job well:
1 Corinthians 10:31 (New International Version)
31So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
For some time in my former life, I used to work so hard because I was afraid of my boss, afraid of what she would say if I bungle the work. I think it would be appropriate to say that I worked hard to please her, a boss who left me scarred as a worker. I never really realized how badly her criticisms had affected me until I noticed that all my reflection papers in HBO about “How Not to Behave as a Boss” were about her. She said some things that I now just choose not to remember. Most of the things in the office were about her--what she wanted done, how she wanted things done, or how she would react if she saw our work. Even her one-downs and the rest of the staff would consult one another on the way she wanted things done so as not to get a reprimand or a flying stack of paper or a crumpled document that should have been for her approval.
When I started my walk with God and learned about the verse above, I had to teach myself to stop pleasing people. I have learned that I have only One True Boss and that is God, and if I base my standards on His, I would never go wrong. Every time I do something, at work or in school, I ask myself, “Would this please God?” Every time I feel like saying “pwede na yan,” I ask myself, “but, would it please God?” Ever since I have adopted this mentality, I have had very rewarding results.
I can say that I give my best whenever I do something not because I want the recognition but because it is the right thing to do (do I hear workaholic and perfectionist?). After all, if God is my boss and if He has equipped me to a job well, wouldn’t I do just that? I think this has somehow affected my reaction when people praise my work or compliment or thank me for a good job. While the boss is there all praises for my work, I would be thinking, “Why is she thanking me?” or “What’s so good with my work?” “Isn’t that what I am supposed to do—to do good work?” I mean, don’t compliment me because that’s what I am supposed to do anyway, right? I have heard these things several times during my training program and I have since learned to appreciate the compliments for just as God wants us to glorify Him through our works, He is also “not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name” (Heb 6:10 NKJV)…There were also times when I thought I just turned in ordinary work in spite of how badly I had wanted to do it better, but to my surprise, I still ended up receiving good feedback about it. It is amazing how God can still reward us even when we think we don’t deserve it. His standards are really different from ours. He has been making me grow from glory to glory even when I think I don’t deserve it.
God wants us to do everything for His glory. But unlike some bosses who expect the best from their subordinates without giving them any guidance at all, God actually equips us to do just that—give Him glory. He gives us the strength because He is the most powerful and wealthiest King we can ever know.
Philippians 4:13,19 (New International Version)
13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
19And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
While meeting with the HR person this morning, I was reminded that there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18 (New International Version)
So, why fear? Am I being punished? I believe otherwise. Because just as God has been surprising me at work and even in my studies before at AIM, I know that there is something waiting for me in this new assignment. And with the perfect love He has for me, this fear will go away. I know that He will cover me in the same way that He has always covered me just when I start to fear and doubt.
A picture just crossed my mind: Jesus and I are sitting on top of a table in an open grass field, we’re swinging our legs, and He’s telling me that He has prepared something good for me. I say, we should find some isaw or fishballs and Coke.
The Mail
5 a.m. I am sitting across the TV watching a show I barely understand. A letter envelope comes in my mailbox. The sender’s name is blank but the name is my name and the address is my home. I put the TV in mute, anticipating the message of the anonymous sender. I turn the lights on and prepare to read.
The crumple of the envelope as I open it makes a sharp contrast to the silence of my room. My room’s lights stand out in the sea of darkness outside.
The letter says that today is my last day on earth for tonight when I sleep, tomorrow I will wake up no more. Suddenly, my life flashes in front of me.
The smile on my parents’ lips when I was born. My first day in prep school. What’s the name of that boy again who stepped on my foot and made me cry?
I see myself curled up in bed, crying, the first time someone broke my heart.
I see myself waking up at 3 a.m. to answer the call of a friend who got pregnant out of wedlock. That was ten years ago.
I remember that party with friends that was filled with laughter and that birthday celebration with my family.
The end. My failures, my success, my unfulfilled dreams are now just a speck of dust in the air. Irrelevant.
I look at the TV and turn it off. The screen turns black, all the colors reduced to a white dot at the center that in a while will disappear.
The letter is signed: God.
The crumple of the envelope as I open it makes a sharp contrast to the silence of my room. My room’s lights stand out in the sea of darkness outside.
The letter says that today is my last day on earth for tonight when I sleep, tomorrow I will wake up no more. Suddenly, my life flashes in front of me.
The smile on my parents’ lips when I was born. My first day in prep school. What’s the name of that boy again who stepped on my foot and made me cry?
I see myself curled up in bed, crying, the first time someone broke my heart.
I see myself waking up at 3 a.m. to answer the call of a friend who got pregnant out of wedlock. That was ten years ago.
I remember that party with friends that was filled with laughter and that birthday celebration with my family.
The end. My failures, my success, my unfulfilled dreams are now just a speck of dust in the air. Irrelevant.
I look at the TV and turn it off. The screen turns black, all the colors reduced to a white dot at the center that in a while will disappear.
The letter is signed: God.
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