Simple Joys

Saturdays usually mean that I have to wake up at around 5:30 in the morning to get ready for the aerobics class that is held from Monday to Saturday from 6 am to 7 am in the community rotunda/plaza five minutes away from my house. An aerobics instructor leads the class composed mostly of women aged mid 30s to 60s. Many of the participants are senior citizens. Participants pay P10 to P20 each as fee that goes mainly to the instructor’s fee and the maintenance of the sound system. Since I have to leave the house as early as 6:45 a.m. on weekdays to go to work, I only have Saturdays to join the aerobics class. I go there with my parents, more often with my dad, who is Mr. Congeniality and the one who discovered the aerobics sessions. Other people who wake up early and want to take a walk, usually with their babies, often watch the class but the participants, I included, do not mind. I believe that a lot of people have been encouraged to join the class by watching it first. After the class, I spend another 30 minutes walking our three dogs around the community with the help of my cousin. Three overactive dogs are just too much for me. :)

I have been on vacation since Monday, December 22, and was able to attend the Tuesday class. That day, as with the other Saturdays, I couldn’t help but think of the blessings I have been receiving that have been giving me simple joys. The blessings come in big and small packages but big or not, I have learned to be happy and content with them. All the more, I’ve learned to look at the hidden blessings in what would otherwise seem as mundane circumstances. Many people usually do an inventory at the end of the year but I’ve learned to count my blessings moment by moment every single day of my life.

1. I am thankful that I am able to keep fit without having to spend sooo much on fitness center memberships. Also, nothing beats an early morning workout that keeps me energized throughout the day. I don’t need to spend an hour or so to travel to the malls, where fitness centers are usually located, to get me jumping, running, and dancing (yes, dancing!…hahaha), not to mention having to wait for the opening time of the malls so I could attend my fitness classes.
2. It never ceases to amaze me how God can be forever faithful to his creations. There’s an 83-year old man in the aerobics class who can still keep in step with his younger counterparts. Turn here, jump here, bend here and he does all of it! And it made me smile when I saw him swaying and grooving and shaking his booty to the tune of Marian Rivera’s “So Sexy!” There is another man who watches the class, a friend of my father, who is afflicted with colorectal cancer; yet, he can still manage to wake up and take a walk in the morning. One early morning, when all else were asleep, a burglar entered his house. He was the only one awake and he was still able to beat this thief and send him away in spite of his affliction. God continues to bless these men another day to enjoy.
3. I am thankful that I am able to enjoy the aerobics class with my parents. It’s not only my way of staying fit but also my way of bonding with them.
4. I am thankful that my parents, in spite of their ailments, are still relatively healthier than many people their age. I am also thankful for God’s provision for their medication (you know how expensive PT sessions and diabetes medicines can be!). There were instances when their respective doctors had painted a grim picture of their ailments but upon seeking a second opinion, they were given better diagnoses and cheaper medications at that!
5. I am thankful for every new day God blesses me with. I have been praying the Prayer of Jabez for a little over a month now and I’ve been wondering how God would enlarge my territory. I mean, the rest of the prayer is so tangible in my life but “enlarge my territory?” Surely, God meant more than giving me hectares and hectares of land though He can give that to me, too if He wills it. And I realized that slowly, God has been enlarging my territory in so many ways! The first time I thought of it, I couldn’t help but smile a big smile and say thank you.
6. I am thankful that I have reconciled and made peace with exes—an ex-best friend, an almost ex-friend, and an ex-boyfriend (or whatever he was!...just made peace, not reconciled—a disclaimer before any of my friends react violently ). Things are not A-okay but I believe we’ll get there in due time.
7. I am thankful whenever I get to recycle bath water for use in flushing the toilet (I am a secret environmentalist so now that the secret is out, don’t you go wasting water, paper, or anything when you’re with me because I will not mince words with my lectures ). I still use the flush when there’s no recycled water but I am happy whenever I get the chance to save water.
8. I am thankful for dinners or lunches with family and friends. Trying new food and new restaurants is one of my luxuries (travel being the other) and having it with family and friends makes it doubly enjoyable. But then, even something as simple as having lunch and/or dinner with my family at home is something I am always thankful for; it’s always bonding time with the family.
9. I am thankful when I can meet up with new and old friends. Updating one another on our lives and others’ (chismis?! Hmmmm…not really) is really fun! I happened to see friends from high school when one of my friends got married this December; I had dinner with a friend from college whom I haven’t seen in months—these times really made me smile.
10. I am thankful everytime I feel God is teaching, encouraging, rebuking, and disciplining me. I feel that still He loves me in spite of all my shortcomings (God disciplines those He loves). As I write this, our youngest (6 months) puppy Bamby is fighting for his life. Parvo virus the vet said yesterday, Christmas day. He was given a 50-50 chance of survival on Christmas day! It felt awkward at first but I actually prayed for God to heal him. He is now walking energetically again, wanting to get out of the master’s bedroom, where he has been quarantined since yesterday, to play with the two other doggies (sorry Bamby, five more days to go…seven days of quarantine, dear puppy). His tail is wagging again and his eyes are now wide-opened whereas, for the past two days, his tail had been limp and his eyes had been sleepy and misty. I believe God is telling me that nothing is too simple for Him to grant only if we ask Him (…my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive and your joy will be complete). Whether it is about us humans or about a dog, just ask! And indeed, with Bamby walking again, my whole family is happier again. Fight, Bamby, fight!

I didn’t get to this level of thankfulness overnight. It took years and a lot of trials to see God’s goodness in every part of my life. Sometimes, I forget; I still struggle. I still ask God questions when I don’t understand, can’t understand circumstances. However, I know that God will always reveal His wisdom to me, and for that, I am thankful.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you.

Here’s My Song for You

Here I am hunched over my piano
Trying to weave melodies for a song.
I feel your hands on my shoulders,
I smell your scent waft through the air,
I see your smile in front of me.

Here I am with my pen and paper
Trying to weave words for a song.
I hear you giggle at my joke,
I feel your kiss on my lips.

I close my eyes, tears fall.

I gently caress the keys of my piano
And play the song
And feel your skin on my fingers
As your voice tickles my soul.

Hear my song for you--
the notes travel through the air.
Hear the words I never got to say--
they grow wings to reach you.
Listen to the rhythm of my heart,
Listen to my plea and come back
So I can again write songs about love
Made up of happy endings.

Free Fall

Like a leaf falling through a ravine
The wind causing the only friction
Swirling and swirling, dancing in the air
Following the wind’s leading

Will the leaf defy the call of gravity and
Will the wind be more successful?

I can feel the wind against my face
Making my body resist the pull of gravity

I can feel the breeze gently combing every strand of my hair
It makes my white, long, flowing dress ruffle in the air

The river below is calling.
How will it feel when my body hits the waters?

I am standing on the edge of a cliff,
The rough face of the rocks stinging my bare feet.

In a while, I can rest
When my body hits the water
And the cold river envelopes my whole being

I am ready now.
On the brink of a free fall.

The Irony of Death

October 19, 2008
Hil’s Facebook Status: …Manny is with Our Daddy (or something like that)
My Thoughts: Manny? The actor? The commercial model? Dead?

Julla (in a chat on Facebook): I still can’t believe Manny’s dead.
Marian: Yeah…just saw his ad yesterday. What caused it? When?
Julla: 17th. Stroke.
My thoughts: He seemed healthy to me. He was so young! 29, 30? (Gayette’s blog said he was actually 37. Manny must be smiling at me from heaven for having thought he was younger. :D)

I never personally knew Manny. Just saw him in church once or twice. The actor and commercial model friend of my friends from small group, that was Manny to me. When I read Gayette’s and Lance’s blogs and even Hil’s comments, that was how I learned about Manny who was the big brother to Gayette, Hil, and Lance and I know, to a lot more people from church and outside of it; through these writings, I learned about Manny who was a light to every life he touched. Manny, the one who was “always full of joy in life,” wrote Gayette. “If I was down in the dumps, he’d sink to that level to pull me through my own garbage. If I was on top of the world, he’d take a seat beside me to watch the fire-works,” wrote Lance (this really made me teary-eyed…).

Death, if we allow it to, can have a profound effect on us. How many times has it reminded us that life on earth is indeed fleeting; that it can be extinguished with a snap of a finger or the blink of an eye? How many times has it made us step back and reassess our priorities? How many times has it made us resolve to express our love for our loved ones, to spend more time with them rather than at work or whatever other non-essential preoccupation we have? How many times has it taught us to live each day to the fullest as if it were our last? Death… a reality we avoid talking or thinking about…it can remind us to really, really live life the way it should be lived.

Today, while I still have the time, I would like to thank those who have touched my life in one way or another (you know who you are :D). To my friends who have stood by me through all my moodiness and craziness, I love you, I love you, I love you. I thank God for all of you.

Today’s Lesson: The Question “How are You?”

I can think of a lot of expressions or words that people use so insincerely nowadays. I love you, I miss you, friend, love…and I realized “how are you?” is also being asked insincerely. I’ve come across several people who asked me “how are you?” when they saw me walking in the office corridor then walked past me without even hearing my answer. Huh? I thought they wanted to know how I was. Has it become the mechanical “hi” or “hello” in the office or in school?

Anyway, this morning I asked someone “how are you?” Now, this question wasn’t rhetorical. People who really, really know me know that I exert the effort to make sure I am sincere and honest with what I say or do by asking myself whether I am being honest or truthful; otherwise, I exert more effort to keep my mouth shut (all the more when I have nothing good to say). Once, someone told me that she missed me. I was at a loss for words. How was I supposed to reply when I didn’t feel the same? I smiled. So, when I asked that someone “how are you?” I was really expecting an answer.

Three things, I realized, why people ask “how are you?” Of course, there’s that insincere, rhetorical, mechanical question like the usual “hi” or “hello”; two, they really are interested in knowing the goings-on in someone’s life and want to be involved in it; and three, it is their way of asking whether someone was free enough for them to talk to about their own problems. I remember when someone asked me how I was. I answered I was fine and he replied back by telling me about his anxieties. By asking me “how are you?” he was just actually looking for an opening to tell me his problems. I was glad that I answered his question because I felt that with my answer, he was encouraged to confide to me what had been bugging him. He could have been feeling lonely all along until he found someone he could chat with. So what was my purpose for asking that someone “how are you?” The last two reasons I cited.

I learned a lesson today. When someone asks me how I am, especially someone who’s really close to me, I should exert the effort to answer. I will never know but maybe he is just a lonely soul looking to strike a conversation or a problematic one looking for someone to confide to. A seemingly innocent question may actually save someone’s day.