Today’s Lesson: The Question “How are You?”

I can think of a lot of expressions or words that people use so insincerely nowadays. I love you, I miss you, friend, love…and I realized “how are you?” is also being asked insincerely. I’ve come across several people who asked me “how are you?” when they saw me walking in the office corridor then walked past me without even hearing my answer. Huh? I thought they wanted to know how I was. Has it become the mechanical “hi” or “hello” in the office or in school?

Anyway, this morning I asked someone “how are you?” Now, this question wasn’t rhetorical. People who really, really know me know that I exert the effort to make sure I am sincere and honest with what I say or do by asking myself whether I am being honest or truthful; otherwise, I exert more effort to keep my mouth shut (all the more when I have nothing good to say). Once, someone told me that she missed me. I was at a loss for words. How was I supposed to reply when I didn’t feel the same? I smiled. So, when I asked that someone “how are you?” I was really expecting an answer.

Three things, I realized, why people ask “how are you?” Of course, there’s that insincere, rhetorical, mechanical question like the usual “hi” or “hello”; two, they really are interested in knowing the goings-on in someone’s life and want to be involved in it; and three, it is their way of asking whether someone was free enough for them to talk to about their own problems. I remember when someone asked me how I was. I answered I was fine and he replied back by telling me about his anxieties. By asking me “how are you?” he was just actually looking for an opening to tell me his problems. I was glad that I answered his question because I felt that with my answer, he was encouraged to confide to me what had been bugging him. He could have been feeling lonely all along until he found someone he could chat with. So what was my purpose for asking that someone “how are you?” The last two reasons I cited.

I learned a lesson today. When someone asks me how I am, especially someone who’s really close to me, I should exert the effort to answer. I will never know but maybe he is just a lonely soul looking to strike a conversation or a problematic one looking for someone to confide to. A seemingly innocent question may actually save someone’s day.